Humor & Jokes About Matrimony
"Matrimony is the root of all evil" ~ Author Unknown
"In union there is strength." ~ Aesop.
Definition of Matrimony
Catholic Archbishop was visiting a small parish in a mining district one day for the purpose of administering confirmation, and asked one nervous little girl what matrimony is.
"It is a state of terrible torment which those who enter are compelled to undergo for a time to prepare them for a brighter and better world," she said.
"No, no," remonstrated her rector; "that isn't matrimony: that's the definition of purgatory."
"Leave her alone," said the Archbishop; "maybe she is right. What do you and I know about it?"
WHERE AM I?
"Where am I?" the invalid exclaimed, waking from the long delirium of fever and feeling the comfort that loving hands had supplied.
"Where am I—in heaven?"
"No, dear," cooed his wife;
"I am still with you."
A HALF CENTURY OF CONFLICT
A young lady entered a book store and inquired of the gentlemanly clerk—a married man, by-the-way—if he had a book suitable for an old gentleman who had been married fifty years.
Without the least hesitation the clerk reached for a copy of Parkman's "A Half Century of Conflict."
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MARRIAGE SUCCESS
"Was Helen's marriage a success?" asked young cousin who was late for wedding ceremony.
"Goodness, yes. Why, she is now married to a nobleman on the alimony," said the local Judge who attended the wedding.
SUCH A PESSIMIST
JENNIE: "What makes George such a pessimist?"
JACK: "Well, he's been married three times; once for love, once for money and the last time for a home."
HAPPILY MARRIED
MRS. SMITH: "Is your daughter happily mar'd, Mrs. Lucas?"
MRS. LUCAS: "She sho' is! Bless goodness she's done got a husband dat's scared to death of her!"
WORDS
"I can take a hundred words a minute," said the stenographer.
"I often take more than that," said the prospective employer; "but then I have to, I'm married."
MOURNFUL THING
O'Flanagan came home one night with a deep band of black crape around his hat.
"Why, Mike!" exclaimed his wife. "What are ye wearin' thot mournful thing for?"
"I'm wearin' it for your first husband," replied Mike firmly. "I'm sorry he's dead."
WHY WAIT?
HIS BETTER HALF: "I think it's time we got Lizzie married and settled down, Alfred. She will be twenty-eight next week you know."
HER LESSER HALF: "Oh, don't hurry, my dear. Better wait till the right sort of man comes along."
HIS BETTER HALF: "But why wait? I didn't!"
"Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had." ~ Francis Rodman
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Tea
Tea began as a medicine and grew into a beverage associated with comfort and...Did You Know?
Until a quite recent period botanists believed that the tea plant was a native of China, and that its growth was confined to China and Japan. But it is now definitely known that the tea plant is a native of India, where the wild plant attains a size and perfection which concealed its true character from botanical experts, as well as from ordinary observers, for many years after it had become familiar to them as a native of Indian forests.
The Encyclopedia Britannica concedes to the Dutch, the honor of being the first European tea-drinkers, and states that early English supplies of tea were obtained from Dutch sources.
While both the English and Dutch East India Companies exhibited in England small samples of tea as curiosities of barbarian customs very early in the 17th century, tea did not begin to be used as a beverage in England even by the Royalty until after 1650.
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