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Stupid Men Jokes Vol.3
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QUESTION: What do you call a man with half a brain?
ANSWER: Gifted. |
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POKER PLAYER
"Daughter," said the old man, sternly, "I positively
forbid you
marrying
this young scapegrace! He is an inveterate poker player!"
"But, papa," tearfully protested daughter, "poker
playing is
not
such an awful habit. Why, at your own club——"
"That's where I got my information, daughter. I'll have
no daughter
of
mine bringing home a man that I can't beat with a flush, a full house,
and fours." |
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QUESTION: What's the difference between government
bonds
and a typical
male?
ANSWER: At some points government bonds will mature.
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STAYING OUT
She: "I'm surprised
at Jane's staying out in the
boat all
this time
with a comparative stranger. A woman of thirty is old enough to know
better."
He: "Aren't you
afraid she is too old to
know better?" |
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Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at
the Olympics?
He had it bronzed. |
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THE SECRET
The Man of
Theory: "The great secret of happiness
lies in
being
content with one's lot."
The Man of Practice:
"But it has to be a whole
lot." |
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QUESTION: Why do men like masturbation?
ANSWER: It's sex with someone they love. |
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"I'm so
glad to
see you.
And how did you enjoy your visit to the
South?"
"Oh, not very much! There wasn't a soul where I was staying except
intimate friends." |
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QUESTION: What is gross stupidity?
ANSWER: 144 men in one room |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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PRESENT
A young couple that had received many
valuable wedding presents
established their home in a suburb. One
morning they received
in the
mail two tickets for a popular show in the city, with a single line:
"Guess who sent them."
The pair had much amusement in trying to identify the donor, but
failed
in the effort. They duly attended the theatre, and had a delightful
time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the
identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every
article of value. And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece
of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with
the
tickets:
"Now you know!" |
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BREVITY
The best illustration of the value of brief
speech reckoned in
dollars
was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for
five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was
going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the
sermon,
he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five
dollars, after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five
dollars. At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he
stole two dollars. |
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