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Real
Life Humor Vol.2
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| Daughter: "Does God
make
lions, Mother?"
Mother:
"Yes, dear."
Daughter:
"But isn't he
frightened to?" |
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Words Of Solomon
"We will take as our text
this morning," announced the absent-minded
clergyman, consulting his memorandum, "the sixth and seventh verses of
the thirty-first chapter of Proverbs." Never suspecting that his
vivacious son and heir had found the memorandum in his study on the
previous night, and, knowing that his papa had composed a sermon
celebrating the increased severity of dry law enforcement, had
diabolically changed the chapter and verse numerals to indicate a very
different text, the absent-minded clergyman turned to the place and
read
aloud these words of Solomon: "Give strong drink unto him that is ready
to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink
and forget his past poverty, and remember his misery no more." |
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Betty: "Mummy, does
God send us our food?"
Mother: "Yes, dear;
of course He does."
Betty: "But what a
price!" |
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The
Substitute
A tourist at an hotel in Ireland asked
the girl who
waited at the
table
if he could have some poached eggs.
"We haven't any eggs,
sorr," she replied; then, after a
moment's
reflection, "but I think I could get
ye some poached salmon." |
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Paper Tiger
They subscribe to two daily
newspapers. Once,
they went away for a two-week vacation and forgot to stop delivery. On
their return, a neighbour told them he had taken care of the problem. "Thanks,
neighbour" they said. "Did you
cancel them?" "I'm no fool," he replied. "I cancelled mine." |
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"Two mistakes here, waiter—one in your favor, one in
mine."
"In your favor, Sir? Where?" |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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"Shine yer
boots, sir?"
"No," snapped the man.
"Shine 'em so's yer can see yer face in 'em?" urged the shoeshiner.
"No, I tell you!"
"Coward," hissed the shoeshiner. |
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| Oscar
Wilde, upon hearing one of Whistler's bon mots exclaimed: "Oh,
Jimmy; I wish I had said that!" "Never mind, dear Oscar," was the
rejoinder,
"you will!" |
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A young
artist once persuaded Whistler to come and view his latest
effort.
The two stood before the canvas for some moments in silence. Finally
the
young man asked timidly, "Don't you think, sir, that this painting of
mine
is—well—er—tolerable?"
Whistler's eyes twinkled dangerously.
"What is your opinion of a tolerable egg?" he asked. |
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