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Political
Humor & Jokes Vol.1
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| Diplomat
thinks twice before saying nothing. |
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Attitude Toward Whiskey
A Congressman was once asked about
his attitude toward
whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body,
desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against
it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against
winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public
coffers
to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it."
"This is my final position, and I will not compromise!" |
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| "Bush explained his strategy for transfer
of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two:
rent a U-Haul." -David Letterman |
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A Thank You Letter
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and
his mother told him to pray
to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned
up.
Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the
$100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they
opened it up and decided to send it to the Prime Minister.
The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched and amused that he
instructed
his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this
would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was
delighted
with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which
ran
as follows:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for
sending me the money. I noticed that you had
to send it through Ottawa. As usual they deducted $95.00.
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| "Monday on NBC Bush said about the war on
terrorism, 'I don't think we can win it.' And yesterday he said at a
rally, 'We will win it." John Kerry is furious. Now Bush is beating him
on flip-flopping. Hey, that was his issue." --Jay Leno |
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ARBITRATION
A war was going on, and one day, the papers
being full of the grim
details of a bloody battle, a woman said to her husband:
"This slaughter is shocking. It's fiendish. Can nothing he done to
stop
it?"
"I'm afraid not," her husband answered.
"Why don't both sides come together and arbitrate?" she cried.
"They did," said he. "They did, 'way back in June. That's how the
gol-durned
thing started." |
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HISTORY BATTLE
Teacher:
"In which of his battles was King Gustavus Adolphus
of Sweden
slain?"
Student: "I'm
pretty sure it was the last one." |
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PRISON REFORM
The government spokesperson explained the
necessity for immediate reform in
conditions at the State Penitentiary:
"Nowadays, there are such a number of our very best people who are
being
indicted and tried and convicted and sent to serve their sentences in
the prison that we really must make their surroundings there more
pleasant and elegant." |
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