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Medical Humor & Jokes Vol.8
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SEXUAL PERFORMANCE
A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor,
I have a
sexual performance
problem. Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem
anymore!" announces the proud physician. "They just came out with
this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the
trick!
You take some pills and your problems are history. "
So, the doctor
gives
the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street.
"Doctor, Doctor!"
exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got
to thank
you!
This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear
that," says the pleased physician. "What does
your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the
man. "I haven't been home yet."
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SECOND OPINION
A doctor and his wife were having a
big argument
at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted
and
stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends
and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so
long to answer the phone?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a SECOND OPINION."
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QUITE DOPEY
A nurse had to take a patient back
to her room
after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic
and
was rather confused. After nurse had made her comfortable, she was
confronted
with four of woman friends who asked, "How
is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite
dopey."
One of the friends said, "We know
that, but how is she healthwise?" |
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ACCIDENTS
The local physician was walking along a
street one
winter morning. The
sidewalk was sheeted with ice and the doctor was making his way
carefully, as was also an older lady going in the opposite direction.
In
seeking to avoid each other, both slipped and they came down in a
heap.
The polite doctor was overwhelmed and his embarrassment
paralyzed his speech, but the older lady was equal to the occasion.
"Doctor, if you will be
kind enough to rise and pick out
your
legs, I will take what remains," she said cheerfully. |
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TIME MANAGEMENT
"Why is it you never get to the office on
time in the morning?"
demanded
the doctor angrily.
"It's like this, doctor," explained the nurse; "you kept
telling
me
not to watch the clock during office hours, and I got so I didn't watch
it at home either." |
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DREW BLANK
The MacTavish was not a mean man. No; he
just knew the value of
money.
So, when the MacTavish developed a sore throat he meditated
fearfully
upon the expenditure of a doctor's fee. As an alternative he hung about
for a day and a half outside the local doctor's establishment. Finally
he managed to catch the great man.
"Say, doctor! Hoo's beez-ness wi' ye the noo?"
"Oh, feyr, feyr!"
"A s'pose ye've a deal o' prescribin' tae dae fer coolds an' sair
throats?"
"Ay!"
"An' what dae ye gin'rally gie fer a sair throat?"
"Naethin'," replied the canny old doctor, "I dinna' want a sair
throat." |
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The woman
was waiting for a diagnosis of her husband's illness.
The doctor approached her with a
dour expression
and said, "I don't like the look of
him."
The man's wife said, "I don't
either, but he's good to the children." |
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