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Medical Humor & Jokes Vol.6
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Things you
don't want to
hear during surgery:
- "Nurse, did this patient sign the
organ-donor card?"
- "Everyone stand back, I think I lost
a contact."
- "Someone call the janitor, we're
going to need a mop
and a bucket!"
- "Sterile, schmerile; at least the
operating-room
floor is clean."
- "Hey, that's cool! Now, can you make
his leg
twitch?"
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Doctor: "So, Jane,
how did you break that arm?"
Jane: "Oh, my dear
doctor, on most stupid way; I was accidentally dusting."
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MEDICAL TERM
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all
the things around
the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he
said,
"Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with
me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay,"
said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
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Specialist (to patient
suffering from insomnia):
"And did you try
my plan of counting sheep coming through a gate?"
Patient: "Well, I
counted up to a hundred and
twenty thousand
and
thirty-nine, and then it was time to get up."
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GHOST STORY
A modest man was in the hospital for
a series of
test. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making
several
false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. But he
completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed
beyond
anything he could possible face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped
up, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunkard was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He
started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention
of the security guard. The security guard asked, "What's going on
here?!?!?"
And the drunk replied, "I just beat
the shit out of a ghost!" |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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BLOOD RELATIONS
Doctor: "Are these poor relations of
yours blood relations?"
Mrs. Fulpurse:
"Yes; they are ever bleeding me." |
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SUCKED!
It was a very wet night, so Bill and his
sweetheart decided to visit
the movie theater.
On the way she evidently was annoyed with her lover, for she turned
to
him, and said, angrily, "Aw wish tha would gie up sucking thi teeth;
it's so rude when people are about!"
"Don't thee talk so silly," he replied in aggrieved tones. "It's my
rubber 'eel pads that's causing that noise!" |
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OPENING
FATHER'S EYES
"Papa," said little boy, "can you explain
philosophy to me?"
"Of course I can," answered his proud parent.
"Natural philosophy, my son, is the science of cause and reason.
Now,
for instance, you see the steam coming
out of that
kettle, but you
don't know why, or for what reason it does so, and——"
"Oh! but I do, papa," chirped little boy knowingly. "The reason
the
steam comes out of the kettle is so that ma can open your letters
without you knowing it." |
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