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LAWYER
JOKES VOL.3
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INSCRIPTION
A lawyer was
shopping for a
tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him
what
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an
honest man
and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I
can't do that,"
replied the stonecutter.
"In this
state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put
"Here
lies an honest lawyer" "But that won't let people know who it is,"
protested
the lawyer.
"Certainly
will," retorted
the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's
Strange!" |
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HOW
CAN
YOU TELL?
Two guys,
Bob and Rob, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 40 hours in the air, Bob says: "Rob, we better lose some altitude
so we can see where we are".
Rob
lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends
to
below the cloud cover.
Bob
says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the
ground".
So
Bob yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?".
And
the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in
the
air". Bob turns to Rob and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And
Rob says "How can you tell that?".
Bob
says: "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
useless". |
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VERDICT
A judge
in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who
had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence,
demanded
a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take
time,
so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to
impanel
anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main
lobby
and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be
a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.
The
trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the
defendant
was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting
ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the
judge
was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to
see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the
judge
said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head
and
said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the
foreman's
position!" |
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a link or joke to a friend
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CUFF LINK
A lawyer having offices in a large office
building recently lost a
cuff-link,
one of a pair that he greatly prized. Being absolutely certain that he
had dropped the link somewhere in the building he posted this notice:
"Lost. A gold cuff-link. The owner, William Ward, will deeply
appreciate
its immediate return."
That afternoon, on passing the door whereon this notice was posted,
what were the feelings of the lawyer to observe that appended thereto
were
these lines:
"The finder of the missing cuff-link would deem it a great favor if
the owner would kindly lose the other link." |
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PRICE
The lawyer explained to the client his
scale of prices:
"I charge one hundred dollars for advising you as to just what the law
permits
you to do. For giving you advice as to the way you can safely do what
the law forbids, my minimum fee is one thousand dollars." |
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LAWYERS
There was a town jail, and there was a
county jail. The fact was
worth hundred dollars to the lawyer who was approached by an old man in
behalf
of a son languishing in duress. The lawyer surveyed the tattered client
as he listened, and decided that he would be lucky to obtain a
fifty-dollar fee. He named that amount as necessary to secure the
prisoner's release. Thereupon, the old man drew forth a large
roll of bills, and peeled off a ten. The lawyer's greedy eyes popped.
"What jail is your son in?" he inquired craftily.
"In the county jail."
"In the county jail!" was the exclamation in a tone of dismay.
"That's
bad—very bad. It will cost you at least two hundred dollars." |
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