Humor Pages - Intoxicated Vol.4 - A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?"

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A pompous little man with gold-rimmed spectacles and a thoughtful brow boarded a train and took the only unoccupied seat. The man next him had evidently been drinking. For a while the little man contented himself with merely sniffing contemptuously at his neighbor, but finally he summoned the guard.

"Conductor," he demanded indignantly, "do you permit drunken people to ride upon this train?"

"No, sir," replied the conductor in a confidential whisper. "But don't say a word and stay where you are, sir. If ye hadn't told me I'd never have noticed ye."

A noisy bunch tacked out of their club late one night, and up the street. They stopped in front of an imposing residence. After considerable discussion one of them advanced and pounded on the door. A woman stuck her head out of a second-story window and demanded, none too sweetly: "What do you want?"
"Ish thish the residence of Mr. Smith?" inquired the man on the steps, with an elaborate bow.
"It is. What do you want?"
"Ish it possible I have the honor of speakin' to Misshus Smith?"
"Yes. What do you want?" "Dear Misshus Smith! Good Misshus Smith! Will you—hic—come down an' pick out Mr. Smith? The resh of us want to go home."