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Humor Pages - Intoxicated Vol.3
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| "He's an
honest young man" said the bartender, with an
approving smile. "He sold his vote to pay his whiskey bill." |
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WHISKY
A man came into a bar and ordered
three shots of
whisky, which he quikly drank one after another. When he finished the
last
one, he ordered three more.
The bartender said, "You know, that
isn't
good for you."
"I know," the man replied, "Particularly with
what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender asked. "One
dollar." |
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FATIGUED
An American
captain, who was recomanded to Irak in command of the regular troups
tells this story
of an older soldier Pat:
Our march had been a long and tiresome
one, and as the bivouac was being made for the night, the captain
noticed that Pat was looking very much fatigued. Thinking that a
small drop of whisky might do him good, the captain called Pat
aside and said, "Pat, will you have a
wee drink of whisky?" Pat
made no answer, but folded his arms in a reverential manner and
gazed upward. The captain repeated the question several times, but
no answer from Pat, who stood silent and motionless, gazing
devoutly into the sky.
Finally the captain, taking him by the
shoulder and giving him a vigorous shake said: "Pat, why don't you
answer? I said, 'Pat, will you have a drink of whisky?'"
After
looking around in considerable astonishment Pat replied: "And is it
yez, captain? I thought it was an angel spakin' to
me."
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A Scotch
minister and his servant, who were coming home from a
wedding,
began to consider the state into which their potations at the wedding
feast
had left them.
"Sandy," said the
minister, "just stop a minute here
till I go
ahead.
Maybe I don't walk very steady and the good wife might remark something
not just right."
He walked ahead of the servant for a short distance and then asked:
"How is it? Am I walking
straight?"
"Oh, ay," answered
Sandy thickly, "ye're a' recht—but
who's that
who's
with ye." |
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A man in a
very deep state of intoxication was shouting and kicking
most vigorously at a lamp post, when the noise attracted a near-by
policeman.
"What's the matter?"
he asked the energetic one.
"Oh, never mind, mishter.
Thash all right," was the reply; "I know
she'sh
home all right—I shee a light upshtairs." |
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