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HOW
TRUE
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| It's
impossible to laugh
and worry at the same time. |
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| The
closest to perfection
a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application. |
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| No one
appreciates the value
of constructive criticism more thoroughly than one who's giving it. |
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| There
are worse things
than getting a coll for a wrong number at 4 a.m. It could be a right
number. |
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| Anyone who
thinks old age
is golden must not have had a very exciting youth. |
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| Expecting
the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little
like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian. |
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| The
more crap you put
up with, the more crap you are going to get. |
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| It's great
to be in my current
company's employ. They offer excellent benefits, competitive pay, and a
work-free smokeplace. |
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| Take
heart, the only
person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. |
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| Before
marriage, a man yearns
for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. |
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| To make
long story short,
there's nothing like having the boss walk in. |
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| If you
wear reflective sunglasses,
you have no right to get angry when people look you square in the eye
and
then start fixing their hair. |
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| One
reason why teenagers
prefer sleeping on the top bunk: They can look down at the floor and
get
an aerial view of their wardrobe. |
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| ATTIC: A
place for storing
things until it's respectable to throw them out. |
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| In
Canada we have just
two seasons: winter and construction. |
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| In Calgary
it's often said,
"If you don't like weather, wait a minute." |
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| Don't
you just hate the
blatant materialism surrounding Christmas? And aren't you just dying to
know what you got? |
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| The table
is the only place
where one is not bored for the first hour. |
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| Every
rose has its thorn
There's
fuzz on all the
peaches.
There
never was an official
dinner yet
Without
some lengthy speeches.
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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Winston
Churchill, the famous English statesman, while he began to
raise
a mustache and while it was still in the budding stage, he was asked at
a dinner party to take in to dinner an English girl who had decided
opposing
political views.
"I am sorry," said Mr. Churchill, "we cannot agree on politics."
"No, we can't," rejoined the girl, "for to be frank with you I like
your politics about as little as I do your mustache."
"Well," replied Mr. Churchill, "remember that you are not likely to
come into contact with either." |
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A benevolent person watched a
workman laboriously windlassing rock
from
a shaft while the broiling sun was beating down on his bare head.
"My dear man,"
observed the onlooker, "are you not afraid that your
brain will be affected in the hot sun?"
The laborer
contemplated him for a moment and then replied:
"Do you think a
man with any brains would be working at this kind of
a job?" |
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President
Lincoln was busily engaged in his office when an
attendant,
a young man of sixteen, unceremoniously entered and gave him a card.
Without
rising, the President glanced at the card. "Pshaw. She here again? I
told
her last week that I could not interfere in her case. I cannot see
her,"
he said impatiently. "Get rid of her any way you can. Tell her I am
asleep,
or anything you like."
Quickly returning to the lady in an adjacent room, this exceedingly
bright boy said to her, "The President told me to tell you that he is
asleep."
The lady's eyes sparkled as she responded, "Ah, he says he is
asleep,
eh? Well, will you be kind enough to return and ask him when he intends
to wake up?" |
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The woman
confessed to her girlfriend:
"I'm growing old, and I know it. Nowadays, the policeman never takes
me
by the arm when he escorts me through the traffic." |
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