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FROM
COMEDIANS VOL.4
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Fun is
like life insurance,
th' older you git th' more it costs.—Abe Martin.
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"Disneyland
celebrated its
40th anniversary by burying a time capsule," reports Jay Leno. "They
say
it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at
Space
Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first."
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| "Every
so often, I like
to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite
picture,"
says comedian Steven Wright. |
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"On Cable TV
they have a
weather channel - 24 hours of weather," says comedian Dan Spencer. "We
had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window." |
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"Lots of
comedians have
people they try to mimic," says comedian Steven Wright."I mimic my
shadow."
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Comedian
George Charlin
on the phrase "undisputed heavy weight champion": If it's undisputed,
what's
all the fighting about?
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"If we are
a country committed
to free speech," asks comedian Steven Wright, "then why do we have
phone
bills?"
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"I
think it's wrong,"
says comedian Steven Wright, that only one company makes the game
Monopoly."
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"My watch
is three hours
fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York," -
said
comedian Steven Wright.
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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| When
five-year-old son of James Oppenheim, famous American poet, novelist,
and editor,
was asked what work he was going to do when he became a man. He
replied, "I'm not going to work at all." "Well, what are you
going
to do, then?" he was asked. "Why," he said seriously, "I'm just going
to
write stories, like daddy." |
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The kindliest of all critics, was
attending dinner with a popular
novelist who was annoying everybody with his latest work. After almost
a ten minutes of novelist's monologue, critic decided to bristle up a
little when he get a chance.
"You know," said novelist finally,
fishing for compliments, "I get
richer and
richer,
but all the same I think my work is falling off. My new work is not so
good as my old."
"Oh, nonsense!" said critic. "You write
just as well as you
ever
did. Your taste is improving, that's all." |
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"Tried to
skin me, that scribbler did!"
"What did he want?"
"Wanted to get out a book jointly, he to
write the book and I to
write
the advertisements. I turned him down. I wasn't going to do all the
literary
work." |
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"What
makes you to turn on that horrible music in your dental office?" asked
old dentist.
"For humane reasons." replied new young dentist.
"If I can paralyze a
person
with fear he will keep still and I can finish my work faster."
"Oh, you don't need music for that son, just tell them honestly how
much experience you have."
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