Travel Alaska


Fun is like life insurance, th' older you git th' more it costs.—Abe Martin.

"Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule," reports Jay Leno. "They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first."

"Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture," says comedian Steven Wright.

"On Cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather," says comedian Dan Spencer. "We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window."

"Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic," says comedian Steven Wright."I mimic my shadow."

Comedian George Charlin on the phrase "undisputed heavy weight champion": If it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about?

"If we are a country committed to free speech," asks comedian Steven Wright, "then why do we have phone bills?"

"I think it's wrong," says comedian Steven Wright, that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

"My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it.  So I'm going to move to New York," - said comedian Steven Wright.




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When five-year-old son of James Oppenheim, famous American poet, novelist, and editor, was asked what work he was going to do when he became a man. He replied, "I'm not going to work at all." "Well, what are you going to do, then?" he was asked. "Why," he said seriously, "I'm just going to write stories, like daddy."

The kindliest of all critics, was attending dinner with a popular novelist who was annoying everybody with his latest work. After almost a ten minutes of novelist's monologue, critic decided to bristle up a little when he get a chance.

"You know," said novelist finally, fishing for compliments, "I get richer and richer, but all the same I think my work is falling off. My new work is not so good as my old."

"Oh, nonsense!" said critic. "You write just as well as you ever did. Your taste is improving, that's all."
"Tried to skin me, that scribbler did!"
"What did he want?"
"Wanted to get out a book jointly, he to write the book and I to write the advertisements. I turned him down. I wasn't going to do all the literary work."
Political Jokes
"What makes you to turn on that horrible music in your dental office?" asked old dentist.
"For humane reasons." replied new young dentist.
"If I can paralyze a person with fear he will keep still and I can finish my work faster."
"Oh, you don't need music for that son, just tell them honestly how much experience you have."