Life's an aquatic meet—some swim, some dive, 
some back water, some float and the rest—sink.

"Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my mom. I brought her to Las Wegas for dinner at Ceasar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin Lobsters - $45." 
"Why don't you order that, Mom?" I asked . "I know how much you like lobster." 
She loked at me with the eyes of a skeptic and shook her head. 
"How do they know they're really twins?" (Jay Leno)

"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction," says comedian Steven Wright. 

"My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate," says comedian Judy Tenuta. 
"I said,  'Just wait."' 

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier...  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.  Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny," says comedian Steven Wright

"A computer-industry representatives have agreed that 'family control' technology on the Internet already exists," says Craig Kilborn. 

"It's just that kids won't explain it to their parents."

"You can't have everything," says comedian Steven Wright. "Where would you put it?"

"In life, it's not who you know that's important," notes Joey Adams, "it's how your wife found out."



Send a link or joke to a friend
An American politician who was invited to a charity party at local town, emailed to the host: "Regret I can't come. Lie follows by regular mail."
Political Jokes
The young blonde sat in front of her mirror and gazed long and earnestly at the reflection there. She screwed up her face in many ways. She fluffed her hair and then smoothed it down again; she raised her eyes and lowered them; she showed her teeth and she pressed her lips tightly together. At last she got up, with a weary sigh, and said: "It's no use. I'll be some kind of politician."

After church conference of Baptists, Methodists, and English Friends, in the China, two Chinamen were heard discussing the three denominations. One of them said to the other:

"They say these denominations have different beliefs. Just what is the difference between them?"

"Oh," said the other, "Not much! Big washee, little washee, no washee, that is all."

"It took me nearly ten years to learn that I couldn't write stories."

"I suppose you gave it up then?"

"No, no. By that time I had a reputation."