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FROM
COMEDIANS VOL.3
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Life's
an aquatic
meet—some swim, some dive,
some back
water, some
float and the rest—sink.
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"Once I
had achieved success
as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my mom. I brought her to Las
Wegas
for dinner at Ceasar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin
Lobsters - $45."
"Why don't you
order that,
Mom?" I asked . "I know how much you like lobster."
She loked at
me with the
eyes of a skeptic and shook her head.
"How do they
know they're
really twins?" (Jay Leno) |
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"When I
die, I'm leaving
my body to science fiction," says comedian Steven Wright. |
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"My mother
always told me
I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate," says comedian
Judy
Tenuta.
"I said,
'Just wait."' |
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| "For my
birthday I got a
humidifier and a dehumidifier... I put them in the same room and
let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and
now my room is all shiny," says comedian Steven Wright |
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"A
computer-industry
representatives have agreed that 'family control' technology on the
Internet
already exists," says Craig Kilborn.
"It's
just that kids won't
explain it to their parents."
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| "You can't
have everything,"
says comedian Steven Wright. "Where would you put it?" |
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"In life,
it's not who
you know that's important," notes Joey Adams, "it's how your wife found
out." |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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| An
American politician who was invited to a charity party at local town,
emailed
to the host: "Regret I can't come. Lie follows by regular mail." |
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The young blonde sat in front of
her mirror and gazed long and earnestly at the reflection there. She
screwed up her face in many ways. She fluffed her hair and then
smoothed it down again; she raised her eyes and lowered them; she
showed her teeth and she pressed her lips tightly together. At last she
got up, with a weary sigh, and said: "It's no use. I'll be some kind of
politician."
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After church conference of Baptists,
Methodists, and English Friends,
in the China, two Chinamen were heard discussing the
three
denominations. One of them said to the other:
"They say these denominations have
different beliefs. Just what is
the
difference between them?"
"Oh," said the other, "Not much! Big
washee, little washee, no
washee,
that is all." |
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"It took me nearly ten years to learn
that I couldn't write
stories."
"I suppose you gave it up then?"
"No, no. By that time I had a reputation."
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