Get All Travel Info


Laugh and the world laughs with you, Weep, and the laugh's on you.
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before," says comedian Steven Wright.

"The best thing about getting older is that you gain sincerity," says comedian Tommy Smothers. "Once you learn how to fake that, there's nothing you can't do. 

"I have a friend who became a billionaire by inventing Cliffs Notes," says comic Steven Wright. "When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, 'Well, to make a long story short...' "

"A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love," says comedian Ronnie Shakes. "Just ask yourself one Question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading...  And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed?  I'm like that all the time," says comedian Steven Wright.

"I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school," says comic Wendy Leibman. "I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then."

"I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish," says comedian Steven Wright. "I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck.  The next day I could only stutter in Spanish." 

"I went to the ballet the other night for the first time and saw the women dancing on their tiptoes," says comedian Greg Ray. "Why don't they just get taller girls?"

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. (Comedian Steven Wright)

"I sold my house this week," reports comedian Garry Shandling. "I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell."

"I got a new shadow.  I had to get rid of the other one...  It wasn't doing what I was doing," - said comedian Steven Wright

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.  Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that." (Steven Wright)



Send a link or joke to a friend
Well known politician was the guest of honor at a dinner in an important city. The Mayor presided, and when coffee was being served the Mayor leaned over and touched his guest, saying, "Shall we let the people enjoy themselves a little longer, or had we better have your speech now?"
There is an old story of a Scotch gentleman who had to dismiss his gardener for dishonesty. For the sake of the man's wife and family, however, he gave him a "character," and framed it in this way: "I hereby certify that A. B. has been my gardener for over two years, and that during that time he got more out of the garden than any man I ever employed."
The young girl, worker at local greenhouse, had been hinting that she did not think much of working out, and this in conjunction with the nightly appearance of a rather sheepish young man caused her boss much apprehension.
"Martha, is it possible that you are thinking of getting married?"
"Yes'm," admitted Martha, blushing.
"Not that young fellow who has been calling on you lately?"
"Yes'm he's the one."
"But you have only known him a few days."
"Three weeks come Thursday," corrected Martha.
"Do you think that is long enough to know a man before taking such an important step?" "Well," answered Martha with spirit, "'tain't 's if he was some new feller. He's well recommended; a perfectly lovely girl I know was engaged to him for a long while."