Get All Travel Info


About the best and finest thing in this world is laughter.—Anna A. Chapin
Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her,"Do you live around here often?"  She said, "You're wearing two different colored socks. "I said,"Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness. "Then she asked, "How do you feel?" and I said,"Well, you know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."(Steven Wright)

"I'm addicted to placebos," a comedian confesses. "I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference," says Jay Leno.

Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. Said comedy writer Paul Ryan: "The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M." 

"A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space," says comedian Steven Wright. "On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.' "

"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid," says comedy writer Gene Perret. "A girl would spin the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."

"All of the people in my building are insane," says comedian Steven Wright. "The guy above me designs 
synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.  The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...  With a pricing gun...  She said, 'Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.' " 

"When people ask me if I have any spare change," says comedian Nick Arnette, "I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet."

"Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous.  Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time," says comedian Steven Wright.

"Then she said, 'How do you feel?'  And I said, 'Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself?  That's how I feel all the time' " - says comedian Steven Wright 

"When I eas a baby, I kept a diary," says comedian Steven Wright. "Recently I was rereading it. It said: 'Day One: Still tired from the move. Day Two: Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.' 
"And I remember turning from one year old to two. I was really upset because I figured in one year my age doubled. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm seven I'll be 64."



Send a link or joke to a friend
An American and a Scotsman were walking one day near the foot of one of the Scotch mountains. The Scotsman, wishing to impress the visitor, produced a famous echo to be heard in that place. When the echo returned clearly after nearly four minutes, the proud Scotsman, turning to the Yankee exclaimed: "There, mon, ye canna show anything like that in your country."

"Oh, I don't know," said the American, "I guess we can better that. In my camp in the Rockies, when I go to bed I just lean out of my window and call out, 'Time to get up: wake up!' and eight hours afterward the echo comes back and wakes me."
Wedding & Marriage Humor
Famous Polish pianist Paderewski arrived in a small western town about noon one day and decided to take a walk in the afternoon. While strolling ling along he heard a piano, and, following the sound, came to a house on which was a sign reading:
"Miss Jones. Piano lessons 25 cents an hour."
Pausing to listen he heard the young woman trying to play one of Chopin's nocturnes, and not succeeding very well. Paderewski walked up to the house and knocked. Miss Jones came to the door and recognized him at once. Delighted, she invited him in and he sat down and played the nocturne as only Paderewski can, afterward spending an hour in correcting her mistakes. Miss Jones thanked him and he departed.
Some months afterward he returned to the town, and again took the same walk. He soon came to the home of Miss Jones, and, looking at the sign, he read: "Miss Jones. Piano lessons $1.00 an hour. (Pupil of Paderewski.)"