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CHICKEN
TALK 2
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Why Did
The Chicken Cross
The Road?
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| Thomas de Torquemada: Give
me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. |
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| Hippocrates: Because
of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. |
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| Carl Jung: The confluence
of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens
cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously
brought such occurrences into being. |
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| Douglas Adams: Forty-two. |
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| Jacques Derrida: Any
number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the
chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as
the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is
dead. |
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| Timothy Leary: Because
that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. |
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| Nietzsche: Because
if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you. |
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| Oliver North: National
Security was at stake. |
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| Katherine McKinnon: Because,
in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have
applied
their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared
for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their
technonogy
and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed
their
science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of
humor
has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given
us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made
the
chicken the most consumned animal in the US, and their legal system has
left the chicken with no other recourse. |
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| Jean-Paul Sartre: In
order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road. |
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| Salvador Dali: The
Fish. |
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| Ernest Hemingway: To
die. In the rain. |
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a link or joke to a friend
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CURIOSITY
The man, passing through the market, saw a
turtle for the
first
time, and surveyed it with great interest. The creature's head was
withdrawn, but as the investigator fumbled about the shell, it shot
forward and nipped his finger. With a howl of pain he stuck his finger
in his mouth, and sucked it.
"What's the matter?" the fishmonger asked with a grin.
"Nothin'—jest nothin' a tall," the man answered thickly. "I
was only wonderin' whether I had been bit or stung." |
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ADVERTISEMENTS
Advertisements
are of great use to the vulgar. First of all, as they
are instruments of ambition. A man that is by no means big enough for
the
Gazette, may easily creep into the advertisements; by which means we
often
see an apothecary in the same paper of news with a plenipotentiary, or
a running footman with an ambassador.
—Addison.
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THE
LADY: "Well, I'll give you a $1.00; not because you deserve it,
mind,
but because it pleases me."
THE TRAMP:
"Thank you, mum. Couldn't yer make it a $5.00 an'
thoroly
enjoy yourself?" |
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| The
eloquent American clergyman, at a
recent
charity banquet
said of charity:
"Too many of us, perhaps, misinterpret
the meaning of charity as the
local farmer misinterpreted the Scriptural text. This farmer, a
prominent supporter of our
church, entered in his journal:
"'The Scripture ordains that, if a man take
away thy coat, let him
have
thy cloak also. To-day, having caught the hostler stealing my potatoes,
I have given him the sack.'" |
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