Blonde Questions & Answers

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date? 
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home. 
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? 
A: Change.
Q: How do blonde brain cells die? 
A: Alone.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? 
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. 
Q:  How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? 
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? 
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? 
A: You can park in the handicap zone. 
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? 
A:  It takes too long to retrain them. 
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A:  An IN-body experience! 
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? 
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? 
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? 
A: They can't find the zipper. 
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? 
A: Pregnant. 
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? 
A:  Her ankles. 
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. 
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? 
A: To put their feet through. 
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? 
A: Opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? 
A: Fertilized. 
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? 
A: She can't say "No". 


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A blonde defined amusements:

The Blonde Friends' picnic this year was not as well attended as  it has been for some years. This can be laid to three causes, viz.: the change of place in holding it, deaths in families, and other amusements.
"Our blonde neighbor seems to be very clever."

"Yes, indeed, she can even do the problems that her children have to work out at school."

—"My gran'pa wuz in th' war, an' he lost a leg or a arm in every battle he fit in!"

JOHNNY—"Gee! How many battles was he in?"

BLONDE—"About forty."
"Dear," said the young blonde wife, noticing how heartily her husband was eating, "do I cook as well as your mother did?"

Her husband put up his glasses, and stared at her through them.

"Once and for all, dear," he said, "I beg you will remember that although I may seem to be in reduced circumstances now, I come of an old and distinguished car dealership family. My mother was not a cook."
A certain theatrical troupe, after a dreary and unsuccessful tour, finally arrived in a small New Jersey town. That night, though there was no furore or general uprising of the audience, there was enough hand-clapping to arouse the troupe's dejected spirits. The leading blonde stepped to the foot-lights after the first act and bowed profoundly. Still the clapping continued.
When she went behind the scenes she saw an Irish stagehand laughing heartily.

"Well, what do you think of that?" asked the actress, throwing out her chest.

"What d'ye mane?" replied the Irishman.

"Why, the hand-clapping out there," was the reply.


"Yes," said the blonde, "they are giving me enough applause to show they appreciate me."

"D'ye call thot applause?" inquired the old fellow. "Whoi, thot's not applause. Thot's the audience killin' mosquitoes."