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Intoxicated
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Bar Exam
A defence lawyer questioning a witness in a
drunk-driving case asked,
"Officer, you say you are absolutely sure the defendant
was intoxicated?"
"Yes, sir," was the answer.
"And how long have you been with the police?"
"Six months," replied the officer.
"After only six months on the force," continued the
defence
attorney, "you are able to say with certainty that the defendant
was
intoxicated?"
"Well, before I joined the force," replied the
rookie, "I
was a bartender for 16 years." |
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Bartender
A man in a bar has a couple of beers,
and the bartender
tells him he owes $15.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the man.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you
paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the
bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same
stunt.
The bartender replies "Okay then, I'll take your word for it."
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend and tells
him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to
drink highballs when , suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You
know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking
beer,
neither paid, and both claimed they did. The next guy who tries that is
going to get punched right in the nose."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final
patron responds.
"Just give me my my change, and I'll be on my way." |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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A Scotchman had been presented with a
pint flask of rare old Scotch
whiskey. He was walking briskly along the road toward home, when along
came a car which he did not sidestep quite in time. It threw him down
and hurt his leg quite badly. He got up and limped down the road.
Suddenly he noticed that something warm and wet was trickling down his
leg.
"Oh, Lord," he groaned, "I hope that's
blood!"
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DOCTOR (feeling Sandy's pulse in bed): "What
do you drink."
SANDY (with brightening
face): "Oh, I'm nae particular, doctor!
Anything
you've got with ye." |
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| An old
drinker visited a doctor and received instructions as to what
he
should do to stop drinking. Shaking his head, he
was about to leave the office, when
the
doctor called out "Hey, there, mister, you forgot to pay me." "Pay you
fo' what, boss?" "For my advice." "Nossuh, boss," said old drinker,
shuffling
out. "I'se compluntated it from all angles and decided not to take it." |
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I drink when I have
occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.—Cervantes.
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Here's to
the girls of the American shore, I love but one, I love no
more,
Since she's not here to drink her part, I'll drink her share with
all my heart. |
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