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DID
YOU KNOW?
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The
only good thing
about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
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| The proof
of the wedding is in the alimony. |
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| When
a man goes to his closet and says, "I don't have anything to wear,"
what
he really means is "I don't have anything clean to wear." |
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When
a woman goes to her closet and says, "I don't have anything to wear,"
she
really means, "I don't have anything new to wear."
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| Congress is a national inquisitorial
body for the purpose of acquiring
valuable information and then doing nothing about it. |
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| Some
people think life begins
at conception, while others think life begins at birth. But some
believe
that life begins when the kid moves out and the dog he left behind
dies. |
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| You spend
18 months
trying to get your children to stand up and talk, and the next 18 years
to get them to sit down and listen! |
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| No one
can make you feel
more humble than the repairman who discovers you've been trying to fix
it yourself. |
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| The length
of a minute depends
on which side of a bathroom door you're standing on. |
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| Job
security does not
exist! |
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| The real
head of a household
is the one who has custody of the remote control. |
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| No
matter how many TV
channels you switch to, you always get a commercial. |
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| Charity is
a sentiment common
to human nature. A never sees B in distress without wishing C to
relieve
him. |
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| For a
good neighbour,
it's hard to beat one who doesn't turn his snowblower around at the
property
line. |
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| When
someone ask if you
have a minute, he or she is really asking for 20. |
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| The way
some houses are
built, the only thing that'll last 30 years is the mortgage. |
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| A cocktail
party is an affair
where a mans gets stiff, a woman gets tight, and they return home to
find
that neither is either. |
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NEXT
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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Shortly
after Raymond Hitchcock made his first big hit in New York,
Eddie Foy, who was also playing in town, happened to be passing Daly's
Theatre, and paused to look at the pictures of Hitchcock and his
company
that adorned the entrance. Near the pictures was a billboard covered
with
laudatory extracts from newspaper criticisms of the show.
When Foy had moodily read to the bottom of the list, he turned to an
unobtrusive young man who had been watching him out of the corner of
his
eye.
"Say, have you seen this show?" he asked.
"Sure," replied the young man.
"Any good? How's this guy Hitchcock, anyhow?"
"Any good?" repeated the young man pityingly. "Why, say, he's the
best
in the business. He's got all these other would-be side ticklers lashed
to the mast. He's a scream. Never laughed so much at any one in all my
life."
"Is he as good as Foy?" ventured Foy hopefully.
"As good as Foy!" The young man's scorn was superb. "Why, this
Hitchcock
has got that Foy person looking like a gloom. They're not in the same
class.
Hitchcock's funny. A man with feelings can't compare them. I'm sorry
you
asked me, I feel so strongly about it."
Eddie looked at him very sternly and then, in the hollow tones of a
tragedian, he said:
"I am Foy."
"I know you are," said the young man cheerfully. "I'm Hitchcock!" |
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IT
FOLLOWS
At a Singapore
book fair, P.G.
Publishing's best-seller was 101 Questions and Answers About Pregnacy
and
Childbirth. This was entirely natural considering their best-seller the
previous year had been 101 Questions and Answers About Sex.
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